🌙 When Sleep Feels Like a Luxury

 — A Note from a Tired but Trying Mother

People often say, “Sleep when the baby sleeps.”
But what if you're still nursing a baby and raising a spirited 5-year-old?
What if the house doesn’t pause when you need to breathe?
What if your mind, though exhausted, still runs laps around worries and mental lists?

This is my reality right now — and maybe it’s yours too.

I'm learning that rest doesn’t always look like 8 uninterrupted hours.
Sometimes it’s:

• 20 minutes of closing my eyes while the baby naps on my chest

• Lying in silence even if I don’t fall asleep

• Whispering dhikr in the dark when anxiety tries to steal my calm

That counts too.

🧸 Juggling Two Night Routines

Balancing the needs of a baby and a 5-year-old is a dance I’m still learning.
So now, I start with the older one — we share a little story, say our night prayers, and exchange sleepy whispers. Then I move to the baby. Sometimes I nurse while lying down, letting my body melt into the bed even if just for a moment.

🕯️ Small Rituals, Big Impact

My wind-down ritual is nothing fancy. Just warm water on my face. A calming balm. A whispered prayer:

“Ya Allah, jagakanlah anak-anakku ketika aku tidak mampu membuka mata. Lindungilah mereka, dan tenangkan hatiku malam ini.”

It’s not perfection. It’s presence.

💭 Letting Go of the Guilt

The hardest part? Not feeling guilty when I fall short.
When I scroll instead of sleep.
When I get frustrated.
When I question if I’m doing enough.

But here’s what I keep reminding myself:

“Sleep disruptions don’t make you a bad mum.
Not knowing how to balance it all doesn’t make you weak.
You are living two seasons at once — and that’s incredibly brave.”

So to all the tired mothers like me:
You're not behind. You're human.
You're not broken. You're doing your best.

And some nights, that is more than enough. 🌿