kawan baik..sahabat..selamanya..

kawan baik..sahabat..
ape agaknya maksud tu bagi korang?
mesti lain2 tapi yg penting korang nak hubungan tu kekal kan?
aku pun sama..
berharap kau akan jumpe kawan2 yg akan selalu ada dengan kau bila kau perlukan..
even kau tak pernah britau tapi diorang akan tanye khabar kau skali skala..
lately ni aku terasa lain sangat..
seolah2 'ikatan' tu macam hilang..atau terlindung..
mungkin la kan..masing2 busy dengan life sendiri..
studies, kerja, families, masing2 ade issue diorang..
aku banyak kali cuba sedapkan hati tapi asyik kecewa..
kenapa? diorang da berubah ke? ataupun aku yg berubah?
ape yg lain?
cume aku terasa macam 'terpinggir' dari kalangan kawan2 aku..
macam seolah2 aku tak ngam dengan diorang..
bile aku komen ke cite pape macam takde sape amek kesah..
tapi diorang tanye pape aku jawab secepat mungkin..
kadang terase macam orang asing gak..
mungkin ni dugaan untuk aku..
fasa yg aku kena tempuh kan..
sumpah aku terasa kehilangan sangat..
rase macam diabaikan..
Ya Allah, kenapa?
aku tau ade hikmah disebalik ni nanti..
cuma kenapa aku kena rasa perasaan ni lagi?
aku tak nak kehilangan sesape lagi..
tapi kalau ade yg nak tinggalkan aku..
aku harap kau tanamkan sifat redha dlm diri aku..
dengan ketenangan..
amiin..

Remember Me?

korang pernah rasa tak?

takde angin takde ribut tibe2 bestfren kau terus senyap and macam da x pduli dengan kau..

kau pn mesty pikir ape salah kau kan..

ape yang kau da buat sampai die totally ignore kau?

tapi ape jer kite bole buat kan..

tu hak die nak kawan ke tak dengan kite..

mungkin sebab kau is kau busy dengan keje n girlfren kan?

alhamdulillah, keje kau makin stabil n relationship kau pn da xde problem..

jadi kau campak tepi kawan baik yang slame nie tolong bg nasihat kt kau..

yang susah payah nk hepikan kau..

mungkin gak kau ade cite pape kt girlfren kau sebab die macam tak suke aku da..

dulu aku sggup telan rasa kecik ati aku untuk tolong kau dengan gf kau..

bg nasihat untuk buat die pcaye kt aku..

tak nak die jelez2 x tntu pasal dengan aku..

sebab aku da anggap kau macam adek bradek aku sndri..

tapi salah aku kan?

kau tak rasa macam tu da lepas kau kenal die..

aku sorang jer yg rase cmtu..

takpe, aku lepaskan kau..

semoga kau bahagia dengan idup kau skang..

cume bila kau jatuh nanti, jangan cari aku lagi..

aku tak kenal kau da mase tu..

aku akan campak kau macam mane kau campak aku sekarang..

mase tu nk nyesal pn tak gune rasenye..

sebab aku da keraskan ati utk kau..

klau kau nk menanges2 mrayu kt aku pn aku tak nak layan..

walaupun aku da ade bf tapi rasenye aku masih ingatkan kawan2 aku..

kawan2 jer yg slalu lebihkan org yg die sayang lebih dari aku yg banyak tolong kan..

takpela, masa untuk aku buang orang2 yg x anggap aku pnting dlm idup korg..

aku tak nak buat dosa doa yg bkn2 kt korg..

sndri makan ati tiap2 malam pikir ape slh aku kt korg..

mase utk aku plak jd selfish..

selamat tinggal kawan..

If it's meant to be, it will be..

                                        

Translation : Terlalu ramai da pergi dr idup aku. jd ble aku jmpe org bru dlm idup nie aku akn bersedia utk ape gak kemungkinan yg buruk.

                                         

Translation : pnah kau korg rse? 

"org brubah, kau brubah. 

kdg2 aku terpk ye ke aku da brubah. dlu kte bley bbual berjam2, ckp kt fon spjg mlm. awk dlu org yg paling sng nk ajak bbual, sume bnde sy bley kongsi ngan awk. tp 1 ari, sume brubah n skang sy ckup bsyukur wlaupn dpt bckp ngan awk bebpe min dlm seari. sy ingt lg kte bgurau, ktawe, snyum, sume yg kte pnah wt n pnah ade. tp sy x yakin awk ingt sume tu."

pnah x dlm 1 mse dlm idup korg, korg rse sgt2 lemah?
mcm ptus harapan..ptus asa dr sumenye..
bkn smpi tahap x nk idup la..
tp smpi tahap yg kau jd anti-social..
kau lbey ske dduk sorg2, dgr lgu kuat2..
ble mlm2 nanges diam2 smpi tertdo..
klau bley tdo la..kau abeskn mse tdo kau ngan pk mcm2..
mengenang nasib idup kau mse tu..
kdg rse dri nie mcm tlalu lemah..
tp x mampu nk wt pape..
sbb kenyataannye kte rse tlalu pnat..
wlaupn x wt pape..
aku da plan nk tunang, nikah..
ngan die yg aku syg..
ye, mse tu aku bru bnti lego..
ngah mncarik keje..
siap da tnye parents aku bley ke x..
diorg ckp elok klau tggu aku dpt keje at least 6 bln..
bg stabil dlu bru pk psl tu..
then aku dpt keje citibank..
tp aku x suke sbb aku rse aku byk nyusahkn org keliling..
mcm aku byk wt company tu rugi..byk wt slh..
aku diamkn jer, xde spe tw sbb diorg akn ckp aku nie pk bkn2..
diorg xkn phm..
sume org ckp biasela, tmpt keje mane yg x stress kn..
mse aku keje lego dlu aku x stress..
cume pnat jer, tp aku hepi..
sbb aku x ske kongsi ngan org mslh aku sbb aku tw aku xkn dgr ape yg aku nk diorg ckp..
diorg x phm aku..
sume org pk aku bodoh sbb lpaskn keje tu..
skang nie ekonomi ngah jatuh, mmg sush nk dpt keje..
lg2 mcm aku nie..
ade diploma jer..kursus pelancongan plak tu..
spe jela nk amek aku nie..
slame nie die ade utk sokong aku..
skurg2nye ade utk aku..amek berat psl aku..
tp lately die lain..
lain sgt..aku x tw npe cume mgkin die pnat ngan keje..
jd xde mse sgt utk aku..die slalu tdo awl..
chat pn kdg2..
aku x nk slhkn die..cume kdg2 ati nie terpk..
cmne klau 1 ari die tgglkn aku? cmne klau bg die bnde lain lbey pnting dr aku?
byk kali aku cbe yakinkn dri aku tp bnde tu gak yg syek dtg kt aku..
cmne klau die ade org lain, yg lg baik dr aku?
sbb aku nie xde pape..
keje xde, kete xde..
stiap kali aku tgk mke org keliling aku, aku jd malu..
sbb aku xde pape yg bley wtkn diorg bangga ngan aku..
aku pk aku nie bkn kt tahap diorg..
aku blum mampu nk bli brg branded..
aku blum mampu nk tunang, kawen..
even nk pk psl tunang pn aku rse seksa sgt..
sbb aku tw xde ape yg aku bley wt slagi aku blum keje..
n aku pk, mgkin die da pnat tggu aku..
sbb cara die layan aku skang nie mcm die da tawar ati..
mcm die da x amek berat psl aku lg..
cara die lyn aku, bckp ngan aku, mnje2 ngan aku..
aku bley rse die tpakse..mgkin sbb kesian..
kesian sbb die x sggup tgglkn aku..
wlaupn  die byk kali ckp xde pape ble aku tnye die..
tp ati nie rse kuat sgt yg ade bnde yg die x nk btw aku..
jd aku wt kputusan yg aku akn sediakn dri aku utk bnde yg paling buruk bley jd..
aku nk blaja berdikari, blaja berdri ngan kaki sndri..
jd klau 1 ari nnt ape yg aku rse nie btul2 jd..
aku x jatuh tersungkur..
n ati aku x hancur berkecai lg..
skang nie aku cume mampu berdoa, mohon dkt Allah utk berikn yg terbaik wt aku..
n berikan aku kesabaran n kekuatan utk menghadapi wlau ape pn yg akn dtg nnt..
aku nk blaja erti redha ngan ketentuan Allah utk aku..
inshaAllah aku akn jmpe ape yg aku crik slame nie..
amiin..

Dear Mr Boo..

If only i could turn back time..

Maybe all of this would never happen..

Maybe i wouldn't feel they way i feel now..

Truth is sometimes i feel that i'm losing him..

I can't help but feel suspicious of whatever he does..

Feel so sensitive to his every actions..

And maybe all of this is my fault..

He has always been all but faithful to me..

Instead how do i repay him?

I was selfish..

Reckless..

Stupid to realize my actions towards his love and affection towards me..

Even he still treats me nicely, deep down i can feel there is something heavy he's hiding..

It's been bothering me ever since..

But i don't want to push him to tell me if he doesn't want to..

However almost every night i will think about it..

Even when i'm with him..

His every move, way he talks to me, treats me..

Every single thing might break me or make me stronger..

I can't help but be prepared for what's coming..

I'm really sorry boo but i dunno how to make it go away..

Loyalty?

"A true friend treats u like family"

All the words are true..

However i can't help but feel that i treat most of my friends like that..

But not really the other way around..

Well, the other day i was going into spore for "jalan raya"..

During the time waiting to go through the custom checkpoint..

My mum and my aunt was talking about me going to malacca to spend time with one of my bestfren during college days..

She was getting married..

Anyways, my aunt was kinda questioning why i wanted to spend almost a week there..

Then my mum backed me up and said..

'Just let her go, she has lots of friend during happy times..but during hard times most of them dissapear..i pity her'

That time i actually tried my best to maintain my composure..

But only Allah knows how i felt at the moment..

Then i thought to myself..i tried my hardest to keep that a secret from my family..

But hey, moms know best right?

Who am i to lie about it..

It's ok mum..

I'm used to it now..

I know they always look for me when they have a problem but ignores me when i'm in need..

But i want u to know..

I still want to help..

Call me an idiot, call me weak..

But i will not change a thing..

Because there will come a time that people will appreciate what i've done for them..

They will see the real reason why i did that..

Who they can actually count on..

I can be strong if i believe it..

Isn't it?

I don't think i can continue this further without tears in my eyes..

No matter what happens, i know instill have myself.. :')

Best wishes

Exactly past the stroke of midnight..

15th august 2015..

It's someone's birthday..

Someone special in my life..

Not that kind of special..

He's my best friend..

Well, he may not always be around but trust me..

He gives the perfect advices..

And whatever he says to me whenever i'm down is exactly what i want to hear from someone..

We understood each other clearly..

I am thankful to Allah for bringing this special person into my life to be my guide, part of my strength..

He who wills me to push harder after every defeat..

To stand up again after every fall..

Thank you is just not enough for all u've done for me..

We may not see each other as often..

But whenever we do it's like we never parted!

Anyways, enough with the babbling..

I wanna wish u a very happy birthday..

May Allah grants ur wishes and dreams..

Guided safely through every steps of ur life..

Be happy always with the ones u love and cherish..

Have a blast friend! :D

All gone..

X tw nk ckp cmne tp ati nie kuat rse yg die da x syg aku lg..

Mainan prasaan ke?

Aku pn x pasti..

Tp aku ngah sediakn dri perlahan2 utk kenyataan tu..

Byk kali aku cbe pjuk ati nie..

Tp tu gak yg aku rse..

Npe jd cmni?

Ya Allah, tnjukknlah kebenaran pd ku..

Terseksa rsenye main teka teki cmni..

Mkn ati..

Menanges jer memanjang..

Rse tkut, sunyi, x yakin..sume ade..

Kwn2 kebanyakan ngan idup masing2..

Tgur pn masing2 diam jer..

Ntah la, diorg bahagia ngan pasangan sndri..

Bgus klau cmtu..

Smoge bahagia..

Aku nie yg mcm digantung x bertali..

Rse ksong jer ati..sunyi sgt2..

R.E.S.P.E.C.T!

people often say,
respect work both ways..
isn't it?
well, to most people it does..
some people will always feel that they're more superior and they will always be respected..
u're wrong man..
even if u're older or more superior whatever u still need to respect people below..
respect is earned, not given..
and sometimes listening is better than just jumping to conclusions..
right?
not pointing it out on anyone particular but it's just what i've been going through these few months..
getting yelled at something that u're trying to explain..
not even listening to the full story but already jumped to their own conclusions..
without even thinking about how the other party felt..
me walking away is simply a sign that i respect u and i don't want to make things worse..
depends on what you're understanding is..
because to be honest, i don't give a damn..
i think i'm old enough to make my own decisions most of the time..
please just respect me, my belongings, my space and my life..
everyone have their own lives..
they don't just live to please u..
Assalam..

Dear Me...

Dear Me,
If u're somewhere reading this..
I just want you to know that i miss u..
i miss what i can become with u..
i can barely recognize who i am now..
what have i become is somewhat a mystery even to myself..
i've become so full of anger, hatred and rebellious..
what had become of the once innocent girl that laughs a lot..
very positive of life and strong?
who faces every challenge in life like a simple game..
who keeps a smile on everyday..
who can hide her tears until before going to sleep..
who can keep on doing what she has to without complaint..
who likes to take up any challenges thrown at her?
who never bothered what people says to her..
who is always so cheerful and funny..
who is likable by many and friendly..
sometimes i feel like a stranger to myself..
well, i guess time will tell..
hope i can meet u soon..
please come back..

love,

me..

Trapped...

Assalam,
pnah x kte tnye dri sndri npe nasib kte cmni?
npe sush utk org keliling nk phm kte?
bg ruang kt kte utk wt kputusan sndri?
kdg sush rse nk truskn idup sbb x dpt sokongan dr org yg kte syg...
especially dr parents kte sndri..
kdg terpk, diorg nie sdar x diorg la tmpt bergantung utk anak2?
diorg la contoh n tmpt rujukan klau de mslh ke pape..
tp x..parents aku x phm...
diorg mlut jer ckp phm tp ati ckp lain..
mule2 ckp lain nnt da lme2 ckp lain..
slhkn aku utk bnde yg jd...
Ya Allh, npe bckp mcm xde tuhan nie?
slhkn takdir ke?
aku mntk ke bnde2 nie jd kt aku?
x pnah rsenye..
x pnah aku mntk idup aku cmni..
keje sush nk kekal..
kwn2 x rmai yg setia..
slalu kne pijak..
bwk kete jarang selamat..
sume tu slh aku ke?
ble ade pape jd, bgduh slhkn aku..
spe mak bapak skang nie?
sume slhkn anak..
bgus la cmtu kn..
lyn anak pn mcm member2..
jgn la slhkn anak2 lpas nie klau kte lyn mcm member2 gak..
ilang rse hormat nie kdg2..
tp kte ttap sbr sbb masih ade rse hormat lg dlm dri nie..
cume sbr pn ade batas..
jgn nnt ble anak bukak mlut ckit ckp derhaka, kurg ajar..
die jer nk mnang..
alasan lbey byk makan garam..
ye, mmg btul tp kehidupan dlu ngan skang x sme..
skang nie mkin mencabar..
ble sush ckit slhkn spe?
anak2? sbb ape?
x blaja btul2?
dpt keje gaji kecik? cpt ngalah?
klau keje tu da pangkat manager x pnah kne pijak..
jgn ckp ngan kte la psl ngalah..
don't act like a king when u have no idea what i've been through..
sbb ape?
sbb x pnah nk amek tw..
sbb tlalu pntingkn dri..
x pnah nk pduli jge ati org..
cermin dlu dri sndri tu seblum nk tgur org lain..
klau ikutkn ati mmg berjela2 post nie tp rse stakat nie la aku taip..
sekian~

Forever after..

Hai awk..

Cbe awk bce ayat ats nie..

Phm x?

Hahaha..hrp phm la..

Anyway, sy nk mntk maaf klau ade wt awk sket ati ke ape..

Abaikn awk ke..

Sy nk mntk maaf utk sgalenye..

Mmg awk ckp xde pape, awk ok..

Tp ntah la kn..ati sy nie rse ade bnde yg x kne ngan awk..

Mcm awk ade smbunyikn sumthing dr sy..

Cume sy x nk pakse..

Klau awk rse sy nie pnting bg awk..

Awk bley cye sy ngan mslh awk..

Awk akn cte gak kt sy 1 ari nnt..

Mgkin gak awk pnat keje kn..

Kdg kte sush nk jmpe..

Yelah, awk mesty pnat lpas blek keje..

Time chat tu mcm moody jer..

Time kuar sesme pn snyap jer x byk ckp..

Awk slalu tnye npe sy syek tenung jer mke awk..

Sy mesty ckp xde pape..

Sbb x nk awk rsau..

Sy cume rse sunyi..rse rndu sgt..

Kte jarang bergurau sgt skang..

Sy x slhkn awk..yelah, kdg sy nie hangin..

Awk nk bgurau, sy mrh2..

Tp awk da lain..

Dlu awk slalu tnye sy ok ke x..

Usik2 sy..check fon sy..

Klau x bukak gmbr ke chat awk men game..

Skng nie klau sy ltak ats meja awk wt2 x nmpk jer..

Mgkin awk pnat kn?

Cian awk..sy nie pk bkn2 jer..

Awk byk lg bnde lain nk pk..

Syek mlayan sy jer..

Pnat la..

Sy pn x nk bebankn awk..

Yelah, syek pk bnde bkn2 jer..

Sy rse jauh ngan awk..

Mcm hbungan kte nie da x mesra mcm dlu..

Klau sy ade wt slh awk tgur jer k..

InshaAllah sy bley trime..

Xde spe yg sempurna kt dunie nie syg..

N klau sy pressure awk psl kawen, psl family sy..

Sy mntk maaf..sy x ptut libatkn awk..

Kte nie bkn sespe pn..

Blum ade pape ikatan lg..

Tpulang pd awk, awk nk wtpe..

Sy x halang..

Sy akn cbe sdaya upaya sy utk phm n sokong awk..

Stiap doa sy mesty ade nama awk..

Sy doa smoga Allah kuatkn jodoh kte..

Permudahkn perancangan kte..

InshaAllah klau ade rzeki kte x kemane ln syg..

Dear Mr Boo

                            

Dear Mr Boo..

I'm so sorry for what i'm feeling right now..

I know it's not fair to feel this way..

It's just too much has been going on lately..

And we've been quite apart from each other..

I miss u..i love u..i still do..

But somehow, not having u next to me..

At least getting to contact u as often as we used to..

Makes me feel so lonely..

I feel so alone..so weak that i can barely breath..

Every moment that i spent without hearing from u feels so empty..

So hollow..

I understand that u're not feeling well and u can barely move..

But i'm not mad at u..

I'm just merely frustrated at myself for not having to take care of u..

We're just too busy with our own things that we sometimes forget to at least say hi to the person we love..

At least to remind them that we still care..

And that the feeling is mutual..

I'm sorry if i let out my anger on u..

I didn't mean to do that to u..

Sometimes i wonder where is the guy that i fell for..

The one who's so protective of me..

Who always asks me a gazillion questions..checks my phone every now and then..

Keeps on asking how my day was going..

Am i ok or not..

Well, maybe it's just because u're not feeling well and u're busy..

That is what i keep on telling myself..

So that i still have hope for our relationship..

Bcoz lately i feel so empty..

I feel that u're not around..

Only ur body but not ur soul..

I hope things will get better between us..

And what we planned for will become true soon..

Yours truly,

Mrs Boo

Hopeless

Have you ever felt sometime in your life..

That everything just falls apart inside of you..

Without reason, without pain..

You just feel so alone, hopeless..

All the positivity that you so badly contained all this while just suddenly escapes you?

And all that's left is just emptiness..

Hollowness creeping all over your body, your soul..

And it makes the tears automatically flow..

You tried to punish yourself without reason..

You tried building yourself up but it's just not so easy anymore..

All those guilt that you kept inside of you is flooding within you..

And you feel that there's nothing you can do to repair it..

You know that it's the thing of the past..

But all the marks from your past never left you..

The marks has become part of you..

Like an invinsible tattoo stuck on your skin..forever..

Except that it slowly crushes you..

All your hope, you happiness, all your strength..

Drained away..sucked but the marks of your past..

Leaving you fragile..

But you know you have to fight..

You have to conceal it from everyone around you..

Because the look up to you..

To become a symbol of hope and strength..

But the moment all the eyes left you..

You are left alone to crumble..

You cried yourself to sleep almost every night..

And wake up in the morning having to rebuild yourself so that you can face people..

On an on until someone or something that can tear apart all the marks from you..

And only then you will be truly free..

I am still awaiting that moment to come..

Dear EX...

                           

Dear ex..

Yes, i admit that we did keep in touch lately..

And yes, i did asked u to help me with job hunting..

And also yes, i did kinda asked a few extra questions..

But well, the only reason i'm asking it is actually for myself..

I mean, u did offered me to help with job hunting and yes..i thank you for that..

But regarding those personal questions and all, it's actually for some closure..

Because we broke up in a nice adult way..

No quarelling, no names calling like we used to..no harshness..

We just simply parted and only i knew the reason why u asked to broke up with u..

But now i know that u know i was testing u and everything..u were aware what i was trying to do to u..

U confessed every single mistake that u made since we broke up..

It did stirred up some old feelings but was automatically swept away by memories of my current boyfriend..

I do feel sorry for u but i have a new life with my boyfriend now..

The story between us is long past..

My final words to u would be..

Thank you and hope u find someone better to replace me..which i'm sure is kinda difficult to find :D

Anyway, good luck finding my replacement! ;)

Cha-ching!!

Hey guys..

I can assume all of us can relate to this picture right?

Yup, absolutely..

Because this is what we're facing in our everyday lives..

It is never hard to spend money, but it is certainly hard to earn and keep them..

That is what's happening to me now..

I am now jobless..but trying my best to look for another job, which is terribly painful nowadays..brrr~

But luckily i made some savings during my job in legoland so i can actually breath free for at least a few months, hopefully..

But lately it seems that i'm struggling to keep my money..

It just seems to flow somewhere else..

Well, there's wifi bills, college loans, daily needs (foods)..

Not saying that i'm not thankful..

I am..but hopefully i can get a better job soon before my money runs out..

InshaAllah..HE knows best.. :)

Moving on..

Hey there,

It's really been a while since i've updated my life here..

Well, it's because i can't seem to find anything to update except that i'm really happy now with him (afiq) and i know he loves me way more than i love him..

But somehow, we will always have something to update in our life..

For instance, your ex has someone new in his life..

Some people might think 'woah, you're way happier now..why turn back?'

The answer is, 'no, i'm not turning back..i'm just simply wishing for him to be happy with whoever he is with right now and hoping the same for me..that is what u call being mature..you can openly express what u feel about someone who had been in your life without it affecting your present life..in this case, my current relationship..

Enough babbling, i wish u many happy years ahead dear ex and hope your relationship now will last till jannah..aminn..