old & new..

I hate it..
I hate that I cannot be as happy as I were before..
I loathe myself that I were unable to control my emotions..
even for some small issue, I would lose my temper..
I can cry over some small things..
I miss my old life..
old people from my earlier life..
now everything seems dull..
dark, stressful and I dunno what I can do to fix it..
it makes me feel so frustrated..
I feel as if I've lost hope in everything..
lost in my own despair..
what should I do?
should I stay down and quit?
or should I get back up and fight?

life..

life...
it depends on how we define it..
it can be happiness, sadness, frustrations, delight, joy, everything that words can describe..
but its all up to u..
to shape your own life..
to sketch you own path..
in life, i've learned to laugh, to hurt..
to love, to appreciate, to feel depressed, to feel neglected..
lots more..
people may see me as the bubbly girl..
one who never has any problems..
but deep inside, only I know the true answer..
only i know the real me..
what i've been through..
what i've felt..
how i've been thrown away by someone i loved..
isolated by people i call friends..
getting jealous over someone i thought was my best friend..
but instead they only seek me in their times of despair..
i was like a pit stop..
where people come to fix all their problems, what's making their day feel bad..
pour all their untold secrets..
feelings..then leave whenever they felt better..
and never ready to be there with me when i need them..
yes, i feel unimportant to some people..
maybe i need a few people that will pay their full attention to me..
know when i'm sad..
when i'm just tired..
when i just needed someone too sit quietly with..
when i need someone to hug..
but above all, i just wanted to feel special to someone..

i want you badly..

truth is..
i really miss u..
every minute of everyday..
no matter what i do, i will always think about u..
i dunno why..
but i feel like i want u more when i'm sad or alone..
i feel so helpless without u..
u're like apart of me..
please don't let me be no matter what..
i can't live without u by my side..
not even for a day..
i feel so lost..
now i'm crying because i miss u so so much..
and i can't even tell u that..
u're busy..
what i can do is just gather my strength and try not to cry a lot..
:'(

Throwback! Part 4..

hallu..
msih die dlm tjuk baling kebelakang..
hahaha..
cbe teka gmbr nie mse ble?
mesty la x dpt jwb kn..
nie adela mse roadshow MATTA Fair JB kt Danga City Mall..
time nie ngah bosan gler nk mampus..
hahaha..
so ape lg..
men snap2 gmbr la kn..
x bley blah..
org ngah lalu lalang tgk jer ktorg men snap2..
bknnye nk promote pn..
ktorg dduk ctu dok gelak2 tgk gmbr sme sndri..
mmg hampeh btul prangai mse tu..
nsib bek xde org len kt ctu..
tp bos tmpt yg ktorg tumpg nie tenung jer dr jauh..
lantak la, ade aku kesah?
hahahah...
whatever~
bubui...
:*

Throwback! Part 3..

hey..
mesty korg tertnye2 kn ape jwpn interview aku mse tu?
dpt ke x?
jwpnnye is Alhamdulillah..
i got the part..
so now i'm officially a team leader..
mcm assistant supervisor la..
monitor staf bwh aku..
uniform pn da tukr colour tw..
jgn men2..
hahaha..
anyway, so far aku still ok lg ngan keje..
i'm getting used to the new working environment..
mcm culture shock gak la..
tp Alhamdulillah aku ok..
mule2 tu mmg byk dugaan..
ade yg x ske kte dpt jwtn nie..
mcm2 die ckp psl kte..
die psiko kte..
x btgur..
nganjing2...
yes, at that time i broke..
sbb aku nie jnis yg cpt serba slh..
bg aku, mcm aku slh sbb trime jwtn nie..
tp ble dgr ape bos aku ckp, org keliling aku ckp..
aku kmpul sume kekuatan aku n aku tempuh jer..
nsib bek ade yg sokong aku..
byk bg semangat kt aku..
n stakat nie diorg still bg layanan yg sme ngan aku..
cume maybe ade la yg len ckit..
tp aku wt x tw jer..
tpulg pd msing2 cmne nk trime bnde nie..
ape yg aku bley wt skang is yg terbaik jer..
yg pnting mcm bos aku ckp..
'kau x ske aku ke, kau nk maki hamun aku ke, lantak la sbb yg pnting gaji aku ttap jln'
tu ayat die yg mmg btul2 bg smangat kt aku..
wt aku bgn utk tempuh ape jer cabaran..
mmg bnyi die mcm agk truk sbb yelah, psl duet kn..
tp bg aku bnde tu mksud die mndalam..
bg aku, mksud die is wt la ape pn, kte x bley hepikn n puaskn ati sume org..
ape kte wt pn mmg akn ade jer yg akn cbe nk jtuhkn kte..
kte kne byk bsbr n kuatkn semangat utk x jtuh tersungkur..
inshaAllah...

Throwback! part 2..

jeng3...
nmpk x nmpk x?
hahaha..
ini la hasil ble bosan..
ngengeh..
sbnrnye gmbr nie mse ngah training service culture..
ngantuk sgt dgr HR tu membebel..
nsib bek la kt lego nie bley men lego even ade taklimat ke training pape la..
so aku wt la bnde nie..
yg pling klakarnye aku da wt nme aku n die..
skali HR tu dtg n tenung jer aku wt..
haha..
hampeh..
x mcm merah plak mke aku mse tu..
gatal sgt tgn kn nk wt bnde tu..
cpt2 aku leraikn..
aigooo...
tp overall mmg best sbnrnye men lego nie..
cbela try..
hihi
:)

Throwback! part 1..

hello guys..
ok, ini la die yg bjaye menambat ati sy..
hihi..
comel kn?
die slalu x nk ngaku die comel..
biar la, awk ttap comel kt ati sy..
wekkkk..
anyway, gmbr nie mse legoland pnye annual dinner kt  the zon regency..
mmg happening la mse tu..
tp yg pling happening is aku x tw dr mane plak aku brani nk bjln bdue ngan die mse tu..
hahahha..
mmg kne ngajing la kn..
tp aku pk, smpi ble nk smbunyi kn..
biar jela, org da tw da pn..
the truth is that..
I LOVE YOU MUHAMMAD ZULAFIQ ZULKIFLEE..
jgn nakal2 ngan pmpuan len ye..
sy syg awk sesgt3...
mmuuuaahhhhhxxx!!!!
:D

responsibility??

responsibility..
that is a big word isn't it..
some people fear it..
some take it as a challenge to themselves..
me?
i don't even know what does this word means to me..
i may fear it at times, but i will always turn it around as a challenge..
now the situation is i've been asked to attend an interview for a job advancement..
meaning i have the opportunity to be promoted to team lead position..
but the responsibility will be bigger..
so the question is..
do i or do i not have what it takes to be a good leader?
can i take the responsibility?
i kept on thinking about it until it affects my daily life..
hope i will find a way to overcome this fear..
bismillah..

fallen angel..

dear atok..
i miss u..
how are u up there?
are u doing fine?
i hope everything's well with u..
things have really changed after u n tok ayah passed away..
our family drifted apart..
thing took a turn to the worse..
everyone changed..
i felt as though they're total strangers..
i can no longer feel the warmth and heat of love in their eyes..
it's like i'm a fallen angel..
things at the office are also not going so good..
it's like history id repeating itself..
but Alhamdulillah not as worse as before..
i still gave friends that will stand by my side when i most needed it..
my love who faithfully stayed by my side..
to hear every story, every pain, every torture that i felt..
he was always there..
my best friends are there too..
i thankful to have such great people in my life..
hopefully i can become stronger than before..
and keep smiling when problems come in my way..
i want to be strong..
i want to be carefree..
to feel accomplished..
be free to be me..
with nobody to judge..
nobody to pick a fight with me..
but maybe that is all in my dreams..
i can just hope for that eternal happiness to come..
that's all i can say for now..
i really do miss u atok..
hope i can get to see u in my dreams..
feel ur hug..
kiss u..