no words necessary..

just tired and exhausted..
not in the mood to do anything..
kbye..

Jauh...

Suddenly i feel far away from u..
Die nk g putrajaya..
Sok ade game ragbi..
Tp die blek seremban dlu..
X tw npe tp aku rse mcm jauh sgt die ngan aku..
Slalu kn org ckp 'jauh di mate dkat di hati'
Bg aku lg trase jauh adela..
Huhuhu..
I miss him like hell..
Wish i can see him everyday..
All i want is him..
Being by my side always..
Hugging me..
Just sitting and make conversations with him..
I really2 miss him..
My hearts longs for him..
If only i can hug him now..
I would never let go..
I love u so so much..
I want u to keep that in mind and in ur heart..
That my heart is yours..
110% yours..
Hope to see u soon bie..
Longing for you..
:'(

Lonely..

Lately, all i ever feel is lonely..
Days go by without me getting to see ur face..
Holding ur hand..
Rse kosong jer idup sy ble x dpt jmpe awk..
Mcm x lengkap..
Klau bley sy nk tgk mke awk tiap2 ari..
Sy nk awk ade dpn sy 24 jam..
Dgr luahan hati sy..
Wt sy ktawe ngan perangai awk tu..
Bbual jer ngan awk..
Dgr cte2 awk..
Ape yg jd dlm 1 ari tu..
I really2 miss u..
Klau ikutkn ati sy mmg sy nk jer ajak awk kuar..
Tp sbb mslh kewangan kn..
Sy tpakse tahan prasaan sy..
Sy tw awk x ske ble sy ckp cmni..
Tp sy nk gunekn sisa2 mse sy study kt cni ngan sebaik mgkin..
Sy nk cipta byk kenangan ngan awk..
Wt awk ingt sume bnde yg baik jer psl sy..
Wt awk hepi..
X nk awk cdey2..
Kte blum pnah lg amek gmbr sme2 kn?
Xpe, nnt kte amek byk2..
Kte amek smpi awk bley wt album gmbr2 kte tu..
Sy syg awk..
Sgt2..
Hope ur here now..
:'(

terminal illness? hurm..

klau korg tgk gmbr kt atas nie..

mesty korg pk..

oh, sket..

ala, sket ckit jer nie..

well, that's not my point..

aku rsau dgn keadaan aku skang..

day by day, week by week..

i'm getting thinner..

n aku prasan yg antibodi aku da x bpe kuat skang..

slalunye klau aku demam, selsema or even batuk sekalipn..

mesty x lbey seminggu..

n aku sgt2 jarang demam..

ble aku demam tu mcm something yg sgt 'wow'..

lpas tu org sume tgur aku makin kurus..

ari tu blek jb n kebetulan same bas ngan schoolmate dlu..

die tgur, eh awk makin kurus eh..

time tu aku trase sedih gakla..

sbb aku x tw ape sbb aku jd cmni..

smpikn ex aku yg id tu pn ingtkn aku kemurungan..

aku skang cpt penat..

slalu sket kpale..

kdg2 pitam..

dada sket, mcm kne cucuk..

tgn bisa2 n kebas..

kaki cramp..

selera mkn slalu xde..

nk mkn biskut pn kdg2 sush nk telan..

ape jd ngan aku nie?

ade sket kronik ke?

tp doc ckp aku xde pape..

sihat jer..

maybe stress..

tp stress smpi cmni skali ke?

em, ingtkn nk g check tp aku tkut..

aku x nk tw ape sket aku..

aku tkut sket tu x bley sembuh..

aku x nk prgi dlu seblum org len..

aku x nk org cdey tgk aku..

aku x nk doc ckp yg aku pnye hayat x lme..

n maybe aku kne abeskn sisa2 idup aku kt hosp..

ya allah, aku x sggup nk hadapi sume tu..

:'(

get well soon..

hey guys..

feeling much better now, alhamdulillah..

except my cough which is still the same..

sometimes worse..

ok, last saturday if i'm not mistaken..

i got the news that my classmate is involved in an accident..

it's quite serious..

tgn kanan die patah due,

kaki kiri patah 3..

kne operate n msuk besi..

tumit hancur..

tp alhamdulillah mke die ok..

n calar ckit jer kt blkg bdn..

td diorg ajak g mlawat..

tp aku x nk..

diorg pn tw npe..

so, msing2 x pakse..

i just wanna wish..

hope u get better soon..

sbr ngan dugaan nie..

sbb setiap penyakit penghapus dosa..

sori, aku x dpt mlawat kau..

sbb aku x tw reaction kau klau tgk mke aku..

lg2 time kau ngah sket kn..

kau pn da suh aku berambus dr idup kau..

n this is exactly what i'm doing..

aku just bley doakn kau cepat sembuh..

n doakan botet x ape2..

even kau pnah sketkn aku tp aku da maafkn sume tu..

hope kau pn sme..

aku tw kau xkn jmpe bnde nie..

tp aku nk kau tw..

aku ttap syg kau sbgai kwn aku..

kau da ajar aku byk bnde..

thanks a lot..

i am afraid..

ari tu bergaduh ngan Mr.F..

ya allah, it was like a nightmare..

x pnah aku tgk die mrh cmtu..

he was like a stranger to me..

all of his words are just plain sarcasm..

not even a slight hint of pity there..

aku batuk2 pn die wt x tw jer..

every single thing he said makes me cry louder..

but no matter what i say or what i do makes him even angrier..

i dunno what i did wrong to make him really mad like that..

but, maybe that's just his nature..

and i'm not used to being scolded like that..

even my family members never did something like that to me..

no matter how mad they are..

they managed to control it..

i can't imagine if i'm in front of him..

maybe he will beat me up..

at that time, all i can do is cry and cry some more..

it's because every time i open my mouth to answer..

my words will become my punishment..

everything i say will be fake to him..

even i said i wanted to sleep and wished him good night..

he just said 'huh...fake good night wish'

that time i felt my heart stopped beating..

it was crushed bit by bit..

i tried to fight it..

tried to think positive but i can't..

it hurts so much..

i just feel like screaming that night but i can't..

i don't want anyone to know how much it hurts..

i was so close to giving up..

all i wanted that time was to run away..

to end all of it..

all the pain..

i wanted to get rid of the pain in my heart..

i was thinking of holding something sharp and slashing it on my hand..

but i was frozen..

every single muscle in my body froze..

frozen by his words..

by his tone..

how his voice sounded..

there wasn't love for me in his voice..

instead it was only anger, hatred..

i just prayed to god that everything will be better..

to heal my heart..

to make me forget what happened..

but it need time to heal..

it's not that easy anymore..

whenever i want to say or do something..

i will think twice..

i'm just afraid to do anything..

i'm sorry..

i'm just pouring my feelings..

hope u understand..

tired..

i'm just a normal girl..
i have feelings..
i'm weak..
i can get angry at times..
i cry..
and i can also get tired from being tested..
i'm not some lab rat that have to be tested all the time..
who knows?
maybe sometimes i need a break..
maybe sometimes i need to cry..
to scream out loud..
to have space for myself..
god's test are always there..
no need to add to my burden..
i already have enough on my plate..
yes, u need to test me..
u need to see how i really am..
how i react to things..
but, there will always be a break in everything..
even machines will break down if frequently used..
they need to be serviced once in a while and so do i..
i need time to repair myself..
to learn from my mistakes..
to adapt to changes..
prepare myself for any situation or difficulties that might come..
i'm trying to stay faithful..
trying to better myself..
after going after so many failures..
only now i've gained the strength to stand up again..
to face challenges..
but what can i do if the challenges came from the same person who gave me my strength back?
am i supposed to fight, stop or back down?
what am i supposed to do?
i can just cry..
i don't know how to even express my feelings..
what more find a person to consult in..
it's getting difficult to maintain a relationship for me right now..
i'm really fragile..
at any time i can break..
this is the result of many heartbreaks..
i just need someone who can really understand me..
always be there when i need them..
not make me go through tests..
i'm sorry..
i'm just tired..

Serius?? Hurm..

Hey guys..
Em, u know what..
Lately nie org slalu tnye aku..
Ble nk kawin..
Da ade yg punye ke blum?
Da ade bf?
Ade calon yg ssuai?
Apekah?
Ya allah, i'm only turning 21 ok..
Not 31..
I still have a long way to go before i start thinking about settling down..
Ok, sbnrnye reason aku cte psl bnde nie bcoz of my fren ain..
Die msj tnye khabar..
Then die tnye da ade bf ke?
Aku ckpla i have a bestfren, tp status ktorg can be considered as teman tp mesra la..
Em, then die tnye..
'Awk x nk couple srius ke?'
Trus terang aku ckp mmg aku sentap jap..
Bkn sentap cdey, tp sentap terkejut..
X sgke die tnye aku cmtu..
Sbb die rapat gak ngan aku..
Byk cte psl aku die tw..
Aku ckpla aku blum ready, lg pn lpas ex aku yg couple smpi 7 tahun tu..
Xde spe lg yg lekat ngan aku smpi stahun..
Bpe bln jer..
Aku blum sedia lg nk couple2..
Nk srius..
Aku nk fokus kt mse dpn aku..
N when the time comes and i've found the guy..
Only then i will think about settling down..
X yah couple2, ikat jer trus..
Lg sng kn?
Doakn aku jmpe jodoh yg baik k..
Aminn..
:)

Missing you..

Syg..
Da bpe ari kte x jmpe kn?
Ya allah, tak terkata rndunye sy kt awk..
1 ari x jmpe pn sy x tntu arah..
Nie lg la da bpe ari..
Em, awk pn mesty rse bnde yg sme kn?
Sy nk awk ade ngan sy 24 jam..
Sy x bley nk berpisah ngan awk..
Awk xde sy rse idup sy x lgkap..
Ade jer yg kurg ble x jmpe awk..
Dpt tgk awk jap pn ckupla..
Tu pn da ckup ilangkn rndu sy..
Sy rndu sgt2 kt awk..
X sbr nk tggu awk blek..
Spend time ngan awk..
Even x g mane2..
Dpt jmpe awk pn ckup sgt da bg sy..
I miss u sooo much bie..
:')

me love..

Farhan Afiz bin Abas..
he's my love, my life, my everything..
awk pndai jge sy kn..
sy syg awk..
jgn tgglkn sy k..
sy x bley idup tanpa awk..
klau awk nk tgglkn sy..
at least wt sy bnci awk dlu..
huhu..
i love u soo much..
wlaupn awk sush payah nk pikat sy..
tp it's worth it kn?
sbb my heart is yours..
yours alone..
spe nk rampas die dr sy..
u have to go over my dead body okey..
he's mine..

u make me complete..

bce btul2 n phmkn ayat kt atas nie..

mesty nie ape yg awk pk kn?

sy da byk kli ckp da awk..

sy x prlukn paras rupa or harta berlambak..

yg pnting sy crik org yg bley lengkapkn idup sy..

lengkapkn kekurangan yg sy ade..

n sy lengkapkn kekurangan die..

awk nk tw x cmne sy bley jtuh cinta ngan awk?

sbb awk caring..

awk kelakar..

awk phm prasaan sy..

awk tw ble sy cdey, ble sy prlukn someone..

ble sy cbe blakon pn awk tw..

sy x bley nk tpu awk..

awk dpt bce sume tu..

awk ade gak persamaan ngan sy..

awk ske wrne purple mcm sy gak..

hehe..

x sgka..

awk pndai lyn sy..

even sy ngah bad mood pn awk x jauhkn dri..

awk ttap kt sisi sy..

awk x pnah mrh sy..

except bnde tu ptut awk mrh..

awk x pnah bandingkn  sy ngan pmpuan yg lbey bek dr sy..

pd awk, sy ckup sempurna..

awk wt sy rse dihargai..

sumthing yg sy x pnah dpt dr laki2 len..

mgkin pnah tp x ikhlas mcm awk..

awk x jemu lyn sy..

even sy ngah hyper pn awk lynkn jer kpale sy..

awk x pnah pn mrungut klau sy men2..

awk trime sy seadanya..

that's why i love u..

not because of u're physical traits, riches or ur past..

i love u because of u..

Farhan Afiz Bin Abas..

only u can complete me..

muet..brrr~

MUET..

Malaysian University English Test..

hurm, bnde nie kte kne amek klau nk pursue studies..

aku pn nk amek degree and so on..

so, amekla muet nie..

lg2 nk smbung TESL..

lg la memerlukan muet nie..

tp, kne band 4 ke atas..

band tu mcm pangkat la..

pling tggi is 6 n pling rendah is 1..

huhuhu..

die ade 4 komponen which is speaking, reading, writing and listening..

ari tu da lpas da speaking..

alhamdulillah everything went well..

examiner pn baik..

senyum jer..

hehehe..

nsib bek la..

sbb mse tu mmg da nervous gler..

nk present kt dpn org pn x nervous mcm nie..

x snang dduk aku..

huhu..

tp sementara mnunggu tu..

sempat la mantul2 ngan dak2 1 group..

so, ilang ckit nervous tu..

then, msuk n start speaking..

rsenye examiner tu prasan kot tgn aku mengigil2 pgg kertas..

haha..lantak la..

yg pnting diorg phm n snyum jer mse aku bckp..

hopefully that is a good thing..

sbb aku klau da bckp mmg x sdar..

ape ntah yg aku merepek pn aku x prasan..

anyway, sok test reading, writing and listening..

kne la korek telinga bersih2 n bce buku byk2..

wish me luck guys!

:D

Distant..

U made me cry..
Npe ngan awk?
Npe tbe2 awk xde mood..
Sy trase ade bnde yg awk x nk cte kt sy..
Sy x ksah..
But don't push me away..
All i wanted to be was by ur side..
I've learned to love u..
Even though it's hard..
I succeeded..
My heart belongs to u..
Please don't do this to me..
Don't push me away..
Don't act so cold towards me..
I need u by my side always..
I can't imagine life without u..
Awk, maafkn sy klau sy ade wt silap dgn awk..
Sy mntk ampun..
Mgkin slh sy awk jd cmni..
Mgkin awk da mle bncikn sy kn..
Tp sy nk awk tw..
Sy sush nk bnci org..
Wlau ape pn org tu wt kt sy..
Sy tetap akn sygkn die..
Cintakan die dgn sepenuh hati sy..
Klau nie ujian dr awk..
Tahniah, awk da mnang..
Sy x dpt lulus ujian awk kli nie..
Sy mntk maaf..
Sy x tahan
Sy ternanges sndri..
:'(

faithful..

people always say..

choose the one that loves you, not the one you love..

because one day the one you love will leave you for someone they love..

it's true..

that is what happened to me lots of time..

but i chose to ignore it..

i chose to stick to that person until i found someone new..

and the same thing will happen again..

but, not now..

i've learned from my mistakes..

now, no matter what happens..

i'm going to stay stern..

i'm not going back to the one i love..

instead i'm choosing someone who loves me..

who can give me all his love, all his attention..

and i'm going to cherish it all..

i'm not going to make him regret loving me..

because i will love him back..

i'll make sure he receives all my love and attention..

hope u get my message..

i give u my word that i'm not looking back on the past..

the past is all behind me..

i'm just going to focus on u and u alone..

no one else matter right now..

just help me stay this way..

please don't make it more complicated..

i promise i'll make u happy always..

i want u..only u..

hey guys..

kelmarin aku gaduh ngan die..

kinda scary gak la..

em, ktorg nk kuar g mkn..

lpas die tournament tu..

msuk2 jer kete die mcm xde mood..

sbb fon die ilang..

yelah, sbb diary sal aku ade dlm fon die tu..

em, lpas tu aku plak bley cte sal D kt die..

i mean aku pnah ckp ngan die yg aku trase 1 ari nnt D akn dtg blek kt aku tp aku da ade org len..

n D is a very sensitive topic for him..

em, mmg slh aku..

aku trime tu..

ktorg snyap all the way..

die pn bwk kete laju gler..

aku tkut tp aku snyap jer..

sbb aku tkut die mrh aku..

so, ktorg g mkn kt mcd..

ngah mkn2 tetbe die tgur aku..

'awk x malu ke kuar ngan sy?'

aku terdiam..

lpas tu aku tnye npe..

sbb aku ckp x malu pn..

die ckp yelah, sbb tgn die cacat..

aku diam, aku x tw nk ckp ape..
sbb for me it's better to stay silent than make things worse..
then, on the way blek still diam..
die tnye npe aku diam tp aku ckp xde pape..
dlm ati aku ngah pk cmne aku nk pujuk die..
but my mind's blank..
i dunno what to think, what to say..
i only feel sad..
then die ckp..
'awk dgr ape sy nk ckp nie, pgg kate2 sy, sy sush nk syg org tp it only takes 1 second for me to hate someone'
aku tersentak n trus pndg mke die..
mse tu ati aku terluke ckit..
aku tnye die, die da tawar ati ke ngan aku..
die ckp die x nk bnci aku..
die x nk tawar ati ngan aku..
aku diam..
lpas tu aku ckp..
mse tu ati aku sebak sgt2..
aku ckp 'sy x nk die, sy nk awk..'
sy x nk blek kt die..
die ckp 'ape yg ade kt sy nie, die hensem, die byk duet..i'm nothing'
mse tu air mate da x bley bnti ngalir..
it just keeps on falling..
aku ckp ngan die 'da byk kli sy ckp..sy x pndg rupe, sy x pndg harta..
all i need is someone who can take good care of me..
yg phm sy, tw cmne lyn sy..'
after that, die yg ngah driving bnti tepi jln n trus peluk aku..
at that time i really felt pain..
aku cdey sgt sbb die mcm x cye kt aku..
die mcm persoalkn syg aku kt die..
ye, mmg it's still new..
tp i hope he understand..
ntahla, lately when a topic is about D..
both of us will become really sensitive..
just hope it will not be like this again..

dugaan..

ya Allah..

mcm2 dugaan awk kn syg..

lpas satu2 dugaan yg awk dpt..

cian awk..

awk kol sy td..

awk ckp awk dpt silver utk double n bronze utk single..

mse tu sy rse hepi sgt2..

tp lg hepi ble dpt dgr suare awk..

cume...

awk ckp due2 fon awk ilang..

em, cdey gak mse awk ckp tu..

klau la sy ade dpn awk sy da pluk awk..

awk nk nanges ke jerit ke awk wt la..

biar la ape org nk ckp..

jnji awk lpaskn sume prasaan awk..

sy rse ilang arah sbb x dpt cntact awk..

awk pn sme..

sbr k syg..

lost without you..

3/3/2013

12.21PM

i feel so lost without u by my side..

awk ngah tournament..

sy rse rndu sgt2 kt awk..

even pg td da cntact tp i still feel the same way..

ya Allah, what's happening to me?

x pnah rse kehilangan cmni..

awk, maafkn sy..

sy x dpt nk kawal rse rndu sy kt awk..

awk jgn slh phm k..

sy bkn x phm karier awk..

sy cume nk luahkn ape yg sy rse..

n right now i'm really2 missing u..

i just dunno what else to say..

trase mcm nk nanges da..

awk, jgn tgglkn sy please..

sy x sggup nk bygkn klau bnde tu btul2 jd..

:'(

Good morning syg..

Ari nie die ade tournament bowling..
So, die mntk tlg aku kjutkn..
Die mntk aku kol die smpi die jwb..
Die ckp nnt ble die jwb wish 'good morning syg' n bg good morning kiss..
And that is exactly what i did..
Hehe..
Trase mcm nk g kt die n belai2 die..
I'm so in love with him..
Mcm dialog cte twilight..
'I'm unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him'
*ignore the typing*
Haha..
N die dtg umah aku jap td..
I was like..
Alamak, mke bru bgn tdo..
Huhu..
Ntah ape la die pk ble tgk mke aku..
Comot jer..
Bini awk nie mmg comot tw..
Klau nmpk comel ke cantek tu sbb mate palsu n mekap jer..
Anyway, gud luck syg..
I know u can do it..
:)

Dear diary

Oh my god!!
Die wt diary sal aku..
Aku sgt2 x sangka kot bnde nie..
Die cte everything dr die start nmpk aku..
Smpi skang..
All i can say is wow..
X pnah ade laki wt bnde cmtu tw..
Tkjut..
Unbelievable..
Ya allah, i can't even describe what i'm feeling right now..
Air mate nk ngalir da..
I'm so happy..
Terima kasih ya Allah sbb temukan aku dgn die..
He made my life complete..
In every single way..
He always make me suprised..

My love for u grows..

Awk..
Rse syg kt awk mkin btambah ari demi ari..
U make me feel appreciated..
Awk wt sy rse sgt2 disayangi..
Even seblum kte rapat pn awk da jge sy ngan baik..
Awk xkn pnah bg sy jauh dr awk wlaupn kjap..
Sy ingt lg mse kte g pantai..
Awk x bley trun sbb awk x bley kne debu..
Padahal awk ngah cdey mse tu..
Tp awk ttap perhati sy..
Jge sy dr jauh..
Awk nk sy tnangkn ati sy..
Awk nmpk ade laki dtg dkt ngan tmpat sy awk trus pggil sy..
Awk tkut laki2 tu kcau sy kn?
Sy rse tharu sbnrnye mse tu..
Awk sggup ketepikan rse cdey awk sbb nk jge sy..
Sbb tu sy syg awk..
N hari demi hari sy mkin syg dgn awk..
Even D kt dpn sy pn sy da x ksah..
I can be friends with him..
Ati sy rse ksong ble tgk mke die..
Sy tkut awk rse tergugat lg klau awk tgk sy bbual ngan D tp awk x rsau pn..
Bgusla klau awk rse cmtu sbb sy mmg x terpk pn nk sketkn ati awk..
Awk cyekn sy..
Awk bg kebebasan kt sy..
Sy ske cara awk lyn sy..
Awk slalu ckp awk xde rupe..
Bg sy sume tu x pnting..
Yg pnting awk pndai jge ati sy..
Awk bg sy layanan yg ptutnye diterima oleh pmpuan..
Terima kasih utk sumenye..
Sy jnji sy akn jd yg tbek utk awk..
:)

My promise..

Awk, sy jnji sy akn jge ati awk ngan sebaik mungkin..
Sy x nk awk nanges sbb sy..
Sy nk awk senyum jer spjg awk dgn sy..
Awk slalu rsaukn sy kn..
Cian awk..
I'm yours now..
No need to worry..
I'm not going anywhere..
I'll stay here until my last breath..
Sometimes it may seem that i am keeping my distance from u..
But it's only because i am giving u space..
Space without me for a while..
I have my bitter moments..
But i hope to face it all with u by my side..
Always and forever..
I love u soo much..
Only u can make me really smile..

for you..

cbe bce gmbr kt atas nie..

"things fall apart so that other things can fall together"

btul la tu..

hehe..

thing fell apart with D so that things with Mr.F can fall together..

i only realized that now..

awak, thanks sbb sbr tggu sy..

sbr ngan prangai sy yg unpredictable nie..

kdg2 ok, kdg2 gler..kdg2 nanges..

cian awk kn..

kne lyn org gler mcm sy nie..

tp sy nk awk tw yg sy syg sgt2 kt awk..

sy x nk awk tgglkn sy..

if u do leave me..

i think that's the very last time..

i'll be gone..

i'll really fall apart..

by that time my heart may be beyond repairing..

if it can be repaired, it may never be the same anymore..

sy jnji yg sy akn ade ngan awk sntiase..

even D dtg blek, i'm not moving..

i'll stay by ur side..

because if i go back to D..

it's like reading the same book again..

u already know the ending, but u still go on with it..

best friend = boyfriend & soulmate

holla guys..

it's been a while..

haha..

have been having a mental breakdown actually..

but, u know what?

i've found someone else..

and he makes me feel even happier than before..

who is he?

he's my bestfriend and we are progressing to being boyfriend and maybe soulmate..

crazy huh?

well, he was the one who was here when i was having a mental breakdown..

honestly, i did thought of ending my life..

but, he was the one that talked sense to me..

comforted me whenever i feel like giving up..

gave me his shoulder to cry on..

hug me when i'm starting to feel down..

he understands me most..

i don't have to tell him how i'm feeling at that time..

he can just guess from my reactions..

my voice and everything..

it's just amazing when u found someone who truly understands you for who you really are..

and you can understand him the exact same way..

we sort of just clicked..

all of my secrets are with him and vice versa..

we trust each other so much that every single, even darkest secrets are shared..

thanks awk..

u make me feel like a new person..

someone who doesn't need to pretend..

someone that can just be herself at any time..

and even be loved for it..

the one i can just cry whenever i want to..

no need to pretend i'm fine because you'll know straight away i'm lying..

thanks for everything..

i promise i won't leave you..

even it's not meant to be between us, we can still remain as best friends..

:D