Dear Mr Boo..

If only i could turn back time..

Maybe all of this would never happen..

Maybe i wouldn't feel they way i feel now..

Truth is sometimes i feel that i'm losing him..

I can't help but feel suspicious of whatever he does..

Feel so sensitive to his every actions..

And maybe all of this is my fault..

He has always been all but faithful to me..

Instead how do i repay him?

I was selfish..

Reckless..

Stupid to realize my actions towards his love and affection towards me..

Even he still treats me nicely, deep down i can feel there is something heavy he's hiding..

It's been bothering me ever since..

But i don't want to push him to tell me if he doesn't want to..

However almost every night i will think about it..

Even when i'm with him..

His every move, way he talks to me, treats me..

Every single thing might break me or make me stronger..

I can't help but be prepared for what's coming..

I'm really sorry boo but i dunno how to make it go away..

Loyalty?

"A true friend treats u like family"

All the words are true..

However i can't help but feel that i treat most of my friends like that..

But not really the other way around..

Well, the other day i was going into spore for "jalan raya"..

During the time waiting to go through the custom checkpoint..

My mum and my aunt was talking about me going to malacca to spend time with one of my bestfren during college days..

She was getting married..

Anyways, my aunt was kinda questioning why i wanted to spend almost a week there..

Then my mum backed me up and said..

'Just let her go, she has lots of friend during happy times..but during hard times most of them dissapear..i pity her'

That time i actually tried my best to maintain my composure..

But only Allah knows how i felt at the moment..

Then i thought to myself..i tried my hardest to keep that a secret from my family..

But hey, moms know best right?

Who am i to lie about it..

It's ok mum..

I'm used to it now..

I know they always look for me when they have a problem but ignores me when i'm in need..

But i want u to know..

I still want to help..

Call me an idiot, call me weak..

But i will not change a thing..

Because there will come a time that people will appreciate what i've done for them..

They will see the real reason why i did that..

Who they can actually count on..

I can be strong if i believe it..

Isn't it?

I don't think i can continue this further without tears in my eyes..

No matter what happens, i know instill have myself.. :')

Best wishes

Exactly past the stroke of midnight..

15th august 2015..

It's someone's birthday..

Someone special in my life..

Not that kind of special..

He's my best friend..

Well, he may not always be around but trust me..

He gives the perfect advices..

And whatever he says to me whenever i'm down is exactly what i want to hear from someone..

We understood each other clearly..

I am thankful to Allah for bringing this special person into my life to be my guide, part of my strength..

He who wills me to push harder after every defeat..

To stand up again after every fall..

Thank you is just not enough for all u've done for me..

We may not see each other as often..

But whenever we do it's like we never parted!

Anyways, enough with the babbling..

I wanna wish u a very happy birthday..

May Allah grants ur wishes and dreams..

Guided safely through every steps of ur life..

Be happy always with the ones u love and cherish..

Have a blast friend! :D