tired..

i'm just a normal girl..
i have feelings..
i'm weak..
i can get angry at times..
i cry..
and i can also get tired from being tested..
i'm not some lab rat that have to be tested all the time..
who knows?
maybe sometimes i need a break..
maybe sometimes i need to cry..
to scream out loud..
to have space for myself..
god's test are always there..
no need to add to my burden..
i already have enough on my plate..
yes, u need to test me..
u need to see how i really am..
how i react to things..
but, there will always be a break in everything..
even machines will break down if frequently used..
they need to be serviced once in a while and so do i..
i need time to repair myself..
to learn from my mistakes..
to adapt to changes..
prepare myself for any situation or difficulties that might come..
i'm trying to stay faithful..
trying to better myself..
after going after so many failures..
only now i've gained the strength to stand up again..
to face challenges..
but what can i do if the challenges came from the same person who gave me my strength back?
am i supposed to fight, stop or back down?
what am i supposed to do?
i can just cry..
i don't know how to even express my feelings..
what more find a person to consult in..
it's getting difficult to maintain a relationship for me right now..
i'm really fragile..
at any time i can break..
this is the result of many heartbreaks..
i just need someone who can really understand me..
always be there when i need them..
not make me go through tests..
i'm sorry..
i'm just tired..