i am afraid..

ari tu bergaduh ngan Mr.F..

ya allah, it was like a nightmare..

x pnah aku tgk die mrh cmtu..

he was like a stranger to me..

all of his words are just plain sarcasm..

not even a slight hint of pity there..

aku batuk2 pn die wt x tw jer..

every single thing he said makes me cry louder..

but no matter what i say or what i do makes him even angrier..

i dunno what i did wrong to make him really mad like that..

but, maybe that's just his nature..

and i'm not used to being scolded like that..

even my family members never did something like that to me..

no matter how mad they are..

they managed to control it..

i can't imagine if i'm in front of him..

maybe he will beat me up..

at that time, all i can do is cry and cry some more..

it's because every time i open my mouth to answer..

my words will become my punishment..

everything i say will be fake to him..

even i said i wanted to sleep and wished him good night..

he just said 'huh...fake good night wish'

that time i felt my heart stopped beating..

it was crushed bit by bit..

i tried to fight it..

tried to think positive but i can't..

it hurts so much..

i just feel like screaming that night but i can't..

i don't want anyone to know how much it hurts..

i was so close to giving up..

all i wanted that time was to run away..

to end all of it..

all the pain..

i wanted to get rid of the pain in my heart..

i was thinking of holding something sharp and slashing it on my hand..

but i was frozen..

every single muscle in my body froze..

frozen by his words..

by his tone..

how his voice sounded..

there wasn't love for me in his voice..

instead it was only anger, hatred..

i just prayed to god that everything will be better..

to heal my heart..

to make me forget what happened..

but it need time to heal..

it's not that easy anymore..

whenever i want to say or do something..

i will think twice..

i'm just afraid to do anything..

i'm sorry..

i'm just pouring my feelings..

hope u understand..